Double Detox
By Chelsea Derochea– November 22, 2011 1:30 PM ET
The room is cold and I can almost feel the ice off of their breath as they speak, like their words are giving me frostbite. It’s uncomfortable but necessary in order for them to recover. Lindsay Parsons and Gerry Dodger are both recovering from Percocet addictions while living together and trying to maintain their relationship. It has been anything but easy so far. “All we do is fucking fight 24/7 and it’s ridiculous but everyone drives me insane right now. And she’s going through the same thing so we’re driving each other insane,” said Dodger with stern eyes.
Dodger works two jobs and is always on his toes. It helps him with his recovery because he has things to focus on rather than if he were just sitting thinking about how badly he wants a Percocet. “I’d go crazy sitting at home. I mean ah, ya think about it all the time anyways ‘cause you’re craving it and ya know you could always go in the bathroom and do a quick sniff but I just focus on the shit I gotta get done at work,” said Dodger while he scratched his arm. He scratches and fiddles with his shirt and hat like he’s agitated just talking about his situation. He also explains that it helps that his job is very physical. He cuts glass and he says it helps him because he’s not just sitting down with his mind wandering so much. He focuses on one thing at a time, taking his recovering minute by minute more so than even taking it day by day.
Parsons goes to college and is currently searching for a job. She finds herself sleeping a lot in order to get through the day without snorting a Percocet. She refers to three different types of Percocets. She explains how A’s are the best and then there’s V’s and M’s. “I sleep so much and when I’m awake it’s all I want, it’s what I need in order to get out of bed. If you want a smile on my face I better have an M crushed up and waiting for me by the bathroom sink,” said Parsons, “Otherwise I’ll be puking my brains out in that sink and that’s if I even make it out of bed.” Parsons keeps pulling her hair behind her ears in fast motions. She’s fidgety and her body language gives off a very anxious vibe like Dodger’s.
Percocets are opiates, also known as painkillers, so they give the feeling of euphoria. According to recoveryconnection.org, this euphoria is an overwhelming feeling of well-being and can mask depression and numb pain. Parsons often wonders if her and Dodger’s relationship will survive much longer. She doesn’t think it will be able to withstand their full recovery and neither does Dodger. It’s the first thing they’ve really agreed on in the past few hours. In bobnavarra.wordpress.com, Dr. Navarra explains that in a relationship where both partners are addicts trying to recover they are going through the process of, “taking the fun out of dysfunction.” Parsons and Dodger both agree that makes complete sense. “You start to wonder were we ever really in love? Was it just the drugs? Is that why we aren’t clicking and all we do is fight,” said Parsons with pleading eyes, “Ya know, is it like we only liked each other because of the drugs and were always jammed together or do we just not like each other now because we’re both dope sick and pissed off and wouldn’t like anybody right now anyways?”
When that numbing of pain is lost and the addict is denying their body of its craving they go through a withdrawal that involves pain, vomiting, nausea, headaches, mood swings, short temperament, depression and more. Both Dodger and Parsons are going through withdrawal and it seems to only be making it harder on their relationship. “I’m starting to really wonder does misery really like company because I’m not feeling it right now,” said Parsons. She explains how she thought that being that they were both recovering that they would be there to understand what the other was going through and really support each other. However, they don’t see much of each other and when they do, supporting each other is the last thing they seem to do. They are so wrapped up in their separate lives and just getting through the day that they don’t want to deal with each other.
Dodger admits to even feeling like they are backtracking sometimes. “When she has a bad day and fucks up and lets a perc slide then before you know it, I just ah, I just can’t do it and I let a perc slide,” said Dodger, “and then we’re both jammed after snorting five each and back to step one again feeling like fuck ups.” He explains that recovering while being a couple is like a game of Sorry and that just one wrong move can send you back to start and that it can be the other person’s doing that sparks the downfall.
Their relationship wasn’t always this strained. Dodger’s eyes begin to light up when thinking about the beginning of their relationship. He talks about how they first met. “Linds and I went to high school together but I never really noticed her. Then, when I was with my last ex ah, we went to a party and there she was. And ah, I really saw her,” said Dodger with a smile spreading across his face, “She had me glued in two fucking seconds. I couldn’t take my eyes off her and that was that.” Parsons looks at him with a flushed face and crystal-like eyes as if she’s begging for that moment back and then drops her head. “Man, I love him. He made me do things I never thought I’d do, like I was mesmerized by him. He was by me too though, so it was okay,” said Parsons, “But it’s been awhile since we’ve really seen each other… I guess ‘cause we’ve lost ourselves in the drugs. And when you lose yourself, you lose everything no matter how amazing it was.” Parsons and Dodger just stare at each other hopelessly, like they both want to reach out and hug the other but instead do nothing. They’re lost but they both hope that time and continuous recovery will help them be found again.
Dodger works two jobs and is always on his toes. It helps him with his recovery because he has things to focus on rather than if he were just sitting thinking about how badly he wants a Percocet. “I’d go crazy sitting at home. I mean ah, ya think about it all the time anyways ‘cause you’re craving it and ya know you could always go in the bathroom and do a quick sniff but I just focus on the shit I gotta get done at work,” said Dodger while he scratched his arm. He scratches and fiddles with his shirt and hat like he’s agitated just talking about his situation. He also explains that it helps that his job is very physical. He cuts glass and he says it helps him because he’s not just sitting down with his mind wandering so much. He focuses on one thing at a time, taking his recovering minute by minute more so than even taking it day by day.
Parsons goes to college and is currently searching for a job. She finds herself sleeping a lot in order to get through the day without snorting a Percocet. She refers to three different types of Percocets. She explains how A’s are the best and then there’s V’s and M’s. “I sleep so much and when I’m awake it’s all I want, it’s what I need in order to get out of bed. If you want a smile on my face I better have an M crushed up and waiting for me by the bathroom sink,” said Parsons, “Otherwise I’ll be puking my brains out in that sink and that’s if I even make it out of bed.” Parsons keeps pulling her hair behind her ears in fast motions. She’s fidgety and her body language gives off a very anxious vibe like Dodger’s.
Percocets are opiates, also known as painkillers, so they give the feeling of euphoria. According to recoveryconnection.org, this euphoria is an overwhelming feeling of well-being and can mask depression and numb pain. Parsons often wonders if her and Dodger’s relationship will survive much longer. She doesn’t think it will be able to withstand their full recovery and neither does Dodger. It’s the first thing they’ve really agreed on in the past few hours. In bobnavarra.wordpress.com, Dr. Navarra explains that in a relationship where both partners are addicts trying to recover they are going through the process of, “taking the fun out of dysfunction.” Parsons and Dodger both agree that makes complete sense. “You start to wonder were we ever really in love? Was it just the drugs? Is that why we aren’t clicking and all we do is fight,” said Parsons with pleading eyes, “Ya know, is it like we only liked each other because of the drugs and were always jammed together or do we just not like each other now because we’re both dope sick and pissed off and wouldn’t like anybody right now anyways?”
When that numbing of pain is lost and the addict is denying their body of its craving they go through a withdrawal that involves pain, vomiting, nausea, headaches, mood swings, short temperament, depression and more. Both Dodger and Parsons are going through withdrawal and it seems to only be making it harder on their relationship. “I’m starting to really wonder does misery really like company because I’m not feeling it right now,” said Parsons. She explains how she thought that being that they were both recovering that they would be there to understand what the other was going through and really support each other. However, they don’t see much of each other and when they do, supporting each other is the last thing they seem to do. They are so wrapped up in their separate lives and just getting through the day that they don’t want to deal with each other.
Dodger admits to even feeling like they are backtracking sometimes. “When she has a bad day and fucks up and lets a perc slide then before you know it, I just ah, I just can’t do it and I let a perc slide,” said Dodger, “and then we’re both jammed after snorting five each and back to step one again feeling like fuck ups.” He explains that recovering while being a couple is like a game of Sorry and that just one wrong move can send you back to start and that it can be the other person’s doing that sparks the downfall.
Their relationship wasn’t always this strained. Dodger’s eyes begin to light up when thinking about the beginning of their relationship. He talks about how they first met. “Linds and I went to high school together but I never really noticed her. Then, when I was with my last ex ah, we went to a party and there she was. And ah, I really saw her,” said Dodger with a smile spreading across his face, “She had me glued in two fucking seconds. I couldn’t take my eyes off her and that was that.” Parsons looks at him with a flushed face and crystal-like eyes as if she’s begging for that moment back and then drops her head. “Man, I love him. He made me do things I never thought I’d do, like I was mesmerized by him. He was by me too though, so it was okay,” said Parsons, “But it’s been awhile since we’ve really seen each other… I guess ‘cause we’ve lost ourselves in the drugs. And when you lose yourself, you lose everything no matter how amazing it was.” Parsons and Dodger just stare at each other hopelessly, like they both want to reach out and hug the other but instead do nothing. They’re lost but they both hope that time and continuous recovery will help them be found again.